lingering…
the last day i stay in a place always lingers. no matter how many times i’ve moved, it always feels a bit difficult.
how have i changed since i moved in? i’m affected by the energy, the neighborhood, the surroundings.
my experiences, with friends i’d met years ago. saying more, saying less, feeling confused, feeling distant.
in this time (aug 2 - aug 6) i was able to start doing (what i feel was successful) truthful scenes involving violence and oppression. and although i’m not performing as often as i have in the past, there’s something different about being with others on stage.
i can’t forget everything i’ve learned, the conversations i’ve had, stories i’ve heard. and everyone has their stories; and i wish we could all be more open and talk about what’s really going on. not that it’s easy for me. i have so many walls up. but i desperately want to see more truth, because it’s the only thing that helps me feel connected.
where will i be when i leave this next place? what conversations will i have had that will help me progress and evolve? and what will i still be struggling to say and understand?
there’s no question that i’m easily offended. once a friend said i was like “the anti-defamation league of improv.” i don’t think anything should be off-limits, i just want it to be taken to a higher, more loving place.
this isn’t just about the stage, but everywhere. it that doesn’t come from what people say - it comes from what i see, keeping my eyes open and seeing people hurt each other and hearing about it. we have so much more power than we even know what to do with. yet i often feel powerless, even with the privilege i have.
everyone has a voice, yet i’m only used to hearing a few. and the voices i hear are constantly saying what and who is wrong, and dividing us and putting us down. and i don’t know how quite to change it.
i think i hadn’t felt very moved in a long time. and when i’m not inspired, well why would i want to inspire anyone else? i want to see more truth. i want to see it on stage with the hope it will carry on to offstage. if people are listening to us, shouldn’t we be saying something real?
