Living Theater
Last night I found myself in a free class taught by some folks at the Living Theater. It was really amazing. It was a random occurrence - I’d heard about it just a couple hours prior. A few ideas were brought up that I loved/thought seriously about. One thing was just Judith Malina talking about knowing what you want to say when you get on stage and also the belief of creating an anarchist, non-violent world through theater - a few other words I’m forgetting, but I was so on board, because that is exactly how I feel.
There was one idea we were taught - how were attracted to struggle. Always attracted to those who have a harder (although it’s all objective, of course) struggle than us. And that really hit home.
Because so often I find myself drawn to complexities (and yes, we all have complexities and who really knows what anyone else is feeling or thinking), but from what I can tap into, and what I see in others that I see in myself specifically. It’s the people the keep me thinking, just wanting to connect. i wouldn’t say oh i want to help them with their struggles (which in part might be because that way i can ignore my own, i’m sure), but to help with pain, especially if it’s a kind of pain I identify with or have experienced myself.
there was an exercise they had one person do - choose someone in their life they felt paralyzed around. they were to focus on a pole in the studio - that was where the person was standing. they had to visualize one item of clothing they were wearing and the look on their face. then they had to tell the instructor what gender the person was which of course made me perk up and be like uh what (I had to ask after why this was done). The instructor then clapped as though the person was talking and the actor could choose when to tell them to stop and then would say everything they wanted to say to this person with the idea the person could not move and would have to be there and listen.
As soon as this exercise started I was like, fuuuuck I’d love to do this. But when the instructor asked the gender of the person they were speaking to, after a moment, if I actually didn’t respond right away I would have to say uhh I’m not quite sure. I know what body they were born into, but i’ve never asked them about their gender identity.
And I wonder if when I speak to this (and other people) if I’m speaking to them as the/a gender they want to be seen as/identify as. Trying so hard to treat everyone exactly the same, but there is language that gets in the way. There are pronouns, and I just want to treat the way they want to be treated.
I’m feeling more like really using “they” more for myself. I feel like using “he” although satisfying, still separates me from my female-identified friends. I don’t want to be on one side or the other.
After the exercise I asked the instructor why it mattered what gender the person the actor was speaking to and they said it was because the claps to emulate that person talking was to match their cadence and “men and women talk differently.” Up until that point I was like, so on board. So while I disagreed with that (not that I have studied voice or anything) I think it’s safe to say that it’s not that simple.
I would say that I when I speak I just want to be heard. I’m trying to communicate my thoughts and feelings. It comes out differently with different people. I’m more at ease with some, more protective with others. I guess I’m more inclined to have people listen to what I’m saying instead of how it sounds.
