bridging the gap
haven’t written in a while… been moving around a bit, which has been a constant for the past, well, ten months really. just eight months in new york.
i feel more stable for sure now, and i’ve gotten used to it. i’m thankful for the friends and communities i feel a part of.
the last month and half or so of becoming more involved with avp (anti-violence project, not alien vs. predator as some have speculated) has been incredible. i’ve met so many amazing people and learned so much, also just begun to deal with a lot of experiences in my life i’d rather have kept hidden. it feels good to get it all out as frightening as it is.
everything is connected, yet i’m having difficulty in bridging the (at what feels but i know in my heart is not) opposing sides… wanting to work through what i’ve been feeling and what i’ve experienced, on stage. maybe it’s not always the right platform, and perhaps some time needs to be taken in between. but i’m finding it hard to not take it all with me.
i’m usually good with being in the moment, it’s the best, but then sometimes, i can’t quite let go. from my own memories and feelings, from what others have shared with me. wanting closure of some sort. or wanting to no longer be scared. it’s all universal and i find that more and more each day, but sometimes i just can’t shake it, no matter how many kind, loving souls i’m around.
yesterday i was in a scene with two people - know them both pretty well, trust them with my life, and all i could do was disengage. and if i feel like that on stage (where i often feel the most confident) with two people i love, i can’t imagine what it’s like to feel isolated but not be in a place where one feels safe and or not to be around people one trusts implicitly. sometimes it’s hard enough just being….
i do believe theater can transform that, because there are so many people in the same place experiencing/witnessing the same thing. maybe we are giving each other safe places to be, safe places to play. to all witness it and be a part of it together.
