bags
aside from a couple weeks back in my old room in clinton hill in november, i’ve pretty much been living out of a backpack (and messenger bag and other bag bc i’m still trying to cut stuff down) for the past seven months. how did this happen?
friends keep on asking if i’m going to write about this, and i don’t even know where to start. it just kind of happened. when i’m down it feels extremely scary and frustrating, but when i’m feeling good, it feels incredible and liberating.
getting to live in new neighborhoods every few weeks/days, seeing and getting to talk (really talk) with friends i might normally just see in passing or exchange a few words with online is a reward enough for the uncertainty.
when i was down south there was this sense that i was meeting these new people and there was a very real possibility i may never see them again since i was just passing through. it made the time feel more crucial; trying to cut down on the small talk and just get to whatever connection was meant to be made. why are/were we in each others lives, in the same space for that time? and why is that rarely questioned?
here in new york it’s a bit tricky. i’ve lived here for almost eight years. there are people who have moved away then come back. there are some i’ve known since the beginning, some i’ve met in the last year, all i feel so grateful to know. there are some people i’ve met in the last few years and i feel as though i’ve known them forever. i don’t remember who or where or what i was before we met.
in the last couple days, talking to two different friends and they mentioned when they met me i’d had this “serious” job and it’s odd how things can change so radically in some respects, yet feel so similar in others. we’re still friends and in each other’s lives. i’m still nervous about a lot of stuff. but something that used to occupy at least a half of my waking life (on good weeks), that was painful, is now just a memory.
i’m just trying to figure out how i can live as peacefully and freely (in every meaning of the word) as possible in a city that has a reputation for being so hard and cut-throat. is it possible to survive just by helping each other?
