be careful what you wish for
this trip has been awesome in that in a way it forces me to stay in the moment. i have no idea what will be going on when i get back to new york. and there is no point in worrying about what will happen next as i am trying to take in everything in each city.
and little rock… wow.
today was full, as most days are. met a lot of new people including a couple who had been together for 36 years and now have plans of going to iowa to get married. one said they never imagined they’d be able to get married in this country. and that is fucking beautiful.
everyone at the (affirming) church was so friendly and warm. met one guy who used to live on the UWS, another who had lots of questions about us transguys. I think at first he thought I was MTF and then he assumed i was latino. and all labels are just labels, and i wonder if we’ll ever get to the point where we can just be whatever people think we are and/or not feel the need to correct/deny whatever labels people place on us.
i met a couple of guys later in the day who were muy assertive, like, hardcore. got a backrub and a few kisses on the cheek as well as saw a guy uh well stroke himself in front of me. i was not actively flirting with either of these people so this kind of threw me.
i do like meeting new people and i feel like i can always learn something from everyone (and vice versa), but i suppose there are times when maybe i should wave a flag of my discomfort. maybe i’m not as cool with things as i’d like to think i am and that makes me sad.
guy #1 who apparently is flirtatious with lots of folks (as is guy #2) was coming out with so many blatant sexual innuendos, i was like, uhhhh, sorry? but there was a good conversation in between and he asked what the difference was between vegetarianism and veganism which i explained. and it turned out he had lived in gilroy, ca for a bit so we talked about garlic for a hot minute.
but then it went further and he… well, this is weird to type out but he asked to touch my sausage. i replied,”i do not have a sausage.” this seemed to confuse him. in all reality you could say i have one, just not of the variety he might be expecting. he brushed his hand over his head to indicate my statement went over his head and i told him i was trans which of course led into a whole other series of explanations.
if only there was a trans equivalent as easy to say as “no animal products.” but he seemed to get it. he said i was was the first trans person he’d ever met, which in reality is more like i’m the first trans person that he KNOWS he’s met. he was still very friendly so that was cool. part of me was worried with coming out, and maybe it’s safer to come out to others who identify as queer, but it’s a step in the right direction.
Guy #2 left no time for me to deny his supposition that i was well-endowed. as i was in his shop with three of my friends. part of me was curious, and i do like a good story and new experiences, but going on what i’d heard i decided this hook up was not meant to be. also he and his business/romantic partner videotape the sexploits they have in this store and post them on the internet.
again, i’m open to trying new things, but for some reason this was just not meant to be.
it’s weird how i crave attention and affection and then when i get it it scares the crap out of me. however in these places, where this seems to be these folks’s M.O., well, maybe i learned what i needed to.
